Saturday, April 5, 2014

Maria Miller

Maria Miller is the Culture Secretary. She's been slightly cheeky in accidentally claiming £45000 too much for her second home that's 50 minutes on the train from her first home.
She has said sorry though. So she only has to give back £5800.

She made £1000000 profit from the sale of the house in question.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Random stuff

Yes. That's right. some random stuff from me from the last week or so on Twitter and Facebook.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

A Really Big TV

Oliver was not well equipped for this...

What was wrong with these people?
How could they live like this?
Why didn't they care?

It was Oliver's work too.
The bullshit was unbelievable.
The MD sat up there in his ivory tower all day and was never seen.
Not until after six. Then he'd come out and walk about the offices.
Those who were seen to be there moved on. It was that simple.
So many tended to do pretty much nothing during the day and only
really start after 5:30. The work was never checked or judged.
You just had to be there.

When his company had been bought out Matt thought it was a good thing.
More security in a larger company.
But 18 months later they shut it down and laid everyone off.
Matt couldn't under stand it. That's not how you grow a company is it?
But they didn't want to grow the company. They wanted to shut down
the competition then keep doing exactly what they were doing with
the same staff, but charge a lot more.


Friday, March 14, 2014

The Gay Cure

It was said that the change in orientation of patient A came from errors made in his treatment.
Naturally the American far right heralded this event as being sent by God.
Saying that the hands of doctors had been guided.
Nothing more is known of patient A.
Save from the fact that he changed the world...

The “cure” took pill form with what many saw as indecent haste.
Many republican senators called for a bill to make the “cure” compulsory for those “needing it”. This was, of course, deeply offensive to the gay community and celebrations followed the defeat of the bill. 

It was a different story in Russia, many middle eastern countries and several African states where the “cure” was administered to anyone suspected of being homosexual. It was a difficult to be gay and it was about to get more so.

The “cure” wrecked attempts for gay equality.
It became a reason to say no to any and all equal rights. One TV pundit said succinctly  “If they want to get married, they can take the cure and marry a woman like everyone else.”

A lot had happened at the demo. There had been a lot of shouting some throwing of things and Alfred had been squirted by something. Someone in the crowd had sprayed him with what looked like mace, but there’d been no effect.

It had felt like water.

The “cure” had been weaponised.

It had originated in Russia but quickly spread. This new variant of “cure” could be absorbed though the skin and was adapted into aerosol spray.
Paulo and Alfred continued to live together and even sleep in the same bed. The physical side of their relationship was gone but it seems while you could now force a sexuality on someone there was still nothing to be done about love.
The ease with which the “cure” could be synthesised and produced meant that the next step was inevitable.
The “cure” itself was synthesised from a straight donor. Once the hard work and money had been spent to test and streamline it’s production a 1st year biology student could make it in his bedroom.

It was easy enough to make a cure for the “cure” by using a gay donor and Alfred took the cure for the cure 18 months after he’d being hetroized.

Three weeks later a smoke bomb was thrown through the window of an East end pub known for right wing drinkers turning everyone inside gay and then turning the police who arrived moments later gay too.

No one was gay for very long.
Within a couple of days everyone involved was straightened out, but they felt violated to have such a change forced upon them and shortly after revenge attacks were perpetrated.
A hair dressers was straight bombed and an interior designer was straight sprayed outside his office.
Jacob was in fact straight to begin with. He was married with twin daughters, but his hair was lovely and his shoes went with his tie so you can see how the mistake might have been made.

These tit for tat incidents escalated until the gender riot broke out in Soho a month later.

By the end of the day the Royal London Hospital found it’s A & E department over run.
It was standing room only.

Most of the people there had had their sexuality changed numerous times that day.

Arguments, fights, and same sex love affairs breaking out everywhere. In the middle of this Doctor Carol Greenberg stood on a chair and blew her whistle. “Shut up! The lot of you!This is A and E!”
Silence fell over the room. “It doesn’t matter what you were this morning! Everyone who’s the sexuality they want to be fuck off! Anyone wishing to be straight move over to the right side of the room and anyone wishing to be gay over on the left side of the room.”
The room parted. Dr Carol smiled “Look at me! I’m moses!”
She looked down at the guy left standing in the middle. “What?”

“I think I might be gay, I’ve never really been too sure. I only came out for milk.” He said.

Monday, March 10, 2014


Friday, February 7, 2014

Make a wish.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


I think the biggest problem facing this country is a lack of affordable and social housing.
Margaret Thatcher brought in the right to buy in the 80s
which meant a council tenant could buy the house they were living in if they wanted.

A good thing.

Then all the money made from that was not spent on making new houses for the next generation.

A bad thing. A very bad thing.

Anyhow. When I first moved out I didn't need a big house. I just needed a bed and a telly...

Ok, ok. And maybe a bath or shower and a kitchen. It's just me. What do I need more for?

Modular housing is an old idea.
Really old and perfect for cheap housing and largely not tried or used any where.
If some young kid living in the three boxes above meets someone else,
that other person could move in with the addition of some more boxes...

And if they have a couple of kids then they'll need a few more boxes.
When a kid moves out, the bedroom could be taken off and stuck on a house that needs a new bedroom.
Or if the family move, the house could shrink back to two floors, ready for the next young couple.
If they split up it could even go back to it's original size.

If you're living in a council house the money you pay in rent goes back to the council.
Back in the system.
The money goes round and round.
If you're living in private accommodation, lose your job or find your self in a low wage job (It's crazy how low the minimum wage is.)
The housing benefit just goes away. Disappears into the landlords bank account.

If your house is made out of boxes don't hide that fact.

Building is pricey. It's out side. Dependant on weather a lot of the time.
Each new build is in a new place.
But if you could factoryize (not a real word) 90 percent of the build you could really get some costs down.

Here is an article on a millionaire landlord and his poor tenant who pays £215 a week for a small house dripping with damp.
That's £11180 a year.

Here is an article on how a modular house can cost £30000.
So a modular house can pay for it's self inside 3 years...
Within one term of government.

Within one term of government!

Some cartoons!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The actual, factual, reason why people end up on benefits for years.

This cartoon is based on first hand knowledge.

When I left college I thought that I'd done the further education thing so I should get or deserved a good job. That's what I'd been told. "Get an education, get a better job." End of.

Worst mistake in my life.

I held out for 3 months for something decent but couldn't get anything.
The main reason given being I didn't have the experience.

After 6 months, by which time I was applying for anything, I was put on a back to work program.

We were a group of eight. We had to go to an office one day a week to be told how to look for work and talk about what we might be doing wrong.

One of our group was a middle aged man. During one of our group discussions on where we might be going wrong he said this...

"I was in middle management. The company wasn't doing so well so we had to lay off quite a few guys. A lot of guys.
That was hard work.
Once I'd done that they made me redundant.
Now I'm remembering what we used to do back when we were taking people on.

We'd get at least a 100 CV's in.
No one had the time to go though them all so we'd quickly scan though to find anyone unemployed.
Those CV's would go in the bin straight away.
That would get rid of more than half. Then we'd bin anyone who wasn't qualified, or was too qualified because if your too qualified you'll not stay long.
Then it was just a matter of picking Ten out of what's left.

Once you got down to interviews they usually were all pretty much the same. Any of them could do it really.
So you fall back on any reason.
It would be things like...
"He was a bit sweaty"
"Not him. What was that tie doing?"
We once rejected a guy because someone said they didn't like his hand shake.

So now I'm on the other side of that."

And it was clear that he wasn't doing well. You had to be on the dole for at least 6 months to be on the course.

It was a light bulb moment for me. It explained the countless rejected and ignored CV's.

I've worked now for that last 20 years. I've been made redundant a couple of times. It's always a scary time because I know for a fact that if I don't get a job again inside of a matter of weeks I may never work again.

The thing to take from this is this...
If you find yourself without a job.
Your chances of getting a job are close to zero.

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some sort of artist or something. with problems and issues. I draw stuff
All cartoons and original writing ©Nigel Auchterlounie 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012